Trial and Error
by A Twisted Vine
Summary: In order to win a bet with Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru stars on MTV's NEXT. [ Sess x Kag, Kagura, Rin, Kik, Inu ] Warning: Crack!fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Trial and Error

**Type: **Alternate Universe. Kinda crack!fic-ish. Possible OOCness… maybe.

**Genre: **Humor (I hope. I'm extremely bad at writing it.) Mild romance.

**Summary: **Sesshoumaru never loses bets. So when Inuyasha bets Sesshoumaru could never make it on MTV's NEXT, our demon lord is determined to prove him wrong. Starring Kagura, Kagome, Rin, Inuyasha, and Kikyou.

**Dedication: **To insert name here, because I've tried and tried, but I just can't come up with a good SessRin angst plot. When I do, of course, that will also be dedicated to you. :3

**Notes: **I was watching the show and laughing about how shallow people are, and then I just started picturing it with the InuYasha characters. So I'm not exactly sure on the rules, but I hope I get this right. In chapter 3 of this I use the phrase, 'Pun totally intended'. I'm sure I read that in a fic somewhere, and I in no way claim it as my own.

Ignore the end of this story, it sucks…

* * *

**)-(**

The air was unusually cool for summer in Osaka, and it made Inuyasha's skin crawl. He hated when things weren't as they should be. It put him on edge, made the hair on the back of his neck stand up, and all that jazz. And even worse, Kouga was back in town. As the cold air pressed against his skin, making his nose turn red and fingers twitch, in his mind all he could see was that dirty wolf flirting with _his_ Kagome. It was sickening, really.

Inuyasha tapped his feet against the sidewalk edge, eyeing the people who passed by suspiciously. "Damn it, Sesshoumaru, where are you…" Inuyasha knew for a fact it didn't take long to lock an office door and leave a building. His ear twitched, eyes narrowing. _Probably flirting with the secretaries again_, he mused, _jackass_.

The hanyou growled lightly, "What the hell is taking so long-"

"It's scarcely been five minutes," a cool baritone interrupted from behind, "Unless you've forgotten how to tell time, little brother." Sesshoumaru appeared beside him, smug smirk in place, but his tie… his tie was another story.

You see, anyone who knows the president of Taishou Corporation knows he does _not_ take appearance lightly. He arrived and left with his suit unwrinkled and orderly, shoes shined, _every hair in place_. And sometimes, well, it was just downright creepy how perfect he always seemed to be when it came to things like that. _If you're into womanly men, anyway_, Inuyasha added with a silent grin.

And to get right to the point, Sesshoumaru's tie was – dare he mention it? Sesshoumaru's tie was just slightly _askew_, bending lightly and positioned just a hairsbreadth to the left. This of course, meant one thing. The company was probably going to get slapped with another sexual harassment charge.

Why the _hell_ women seemed so easily seduced by the older demon was beyond him, but he knew it never meant anything good for the woman in question. Ever. Inuyasha looked away, staring into the suddenly very interesting congested street. "Keh, I don't think we can afford for you to keep doing this, Miroku's bad enough."

Sesshoumaru frowned, and looked almost offended. "Are you comparing this Sesshoumaru to that pervert?"

"You go through women fast enough."

"Hn."

"Then again," the half-demon realized aloud, "you never keep 'em, do you?"

The demon narrowed his gaze. "I-"

"I guess everyone's got to get tired of you eventually," Inuyasha continued, beginning to smile now, "no one can stand your arrogant, pompous ass all the time."

"You-"

"I mean," he laughed, deliberately not allowing his brother the chance to defend himself, "What was that one chick's name? Insert ice panther's name here… yea, she left you after just half a month, didn't she? I bet they only date you in the first place for the money. You definitely don't have any other appeals."

"Perhaps it is I who tires of their company?" Sesshoumaru proposed bitterly, to which Inuyasha gave a sharp laugh that nearly made him wince.

"You'd never get a girl to go out with you didn't have green coming out of your pockets."

"I beg to differ," he sniffed.

Inuyasha grinned, thoroughly enjoying himself at his brother's expense. "You know what? Sango does the selections for this show, NEXT. The person gets to test five contestants or whatever, and if the person finds one they like," he looked away from the stop light and to Sesshoumaru's face, "the contestant gets to chose between another date or money."

"You're serious?" He quirked a brow. Did such senseless things truly exist? No wonder society was crumbling.

"Keh, Kagome makes me watch it all the time."

"This Sesshoumaru would never be seen on such a-"

"I bet you just know they'd rather have the money."

The Taishou brothers, of course, did not like each other. Tolerated each other's company, yes, but like each other? It was more just one of those 'never have, never will' things. But both brothers took the words "I Bet" very seriously. Because it was a challenge, and the Taishou brothers never backed down from a challenge.

Sesshoumaru stared down at the bemused hanyou, and nearly snarled when he saw the cheerful expression. This was when he chose between Just Walk Away and Teach That Filthy Hanyou His Place (this one could also be alternated with Slam Hanyou's Face Into Nearest Hard Surface). Of course, being Sesshoumaru Taishou, he chose the later.

"I bet," he growled back, "you're wrong."

**)-(**

The bus was large enough, yet all five contestants squirmed to fit on the small couch-like seat. A black-haired man waited until they were situated before speaking. "Hello, girls-"

"Excuse me?!"

"Of course. Hello girls and guy, I'm Naraku and if you need anything I'm the one to call for. The show is about to begin," he motioned to the white-haired boy standing behind the camera, "and Hakudoushi here will let you know when there's a minute left until we begin filming. Any questions?"

"Why the hell am I here?" A man's voice grumbled.

Naraku smirked, "We thought it would add drama."

"Bastard."

"Anyway, you'll be up first."

"Fucking great."

**)-(**

Sesshoumaru stood beneath the sun, bored. He watched the woman behind the camera count down with her fingers. Five, four, three, two, one.

He took a deep breath, a tried not to scowl. "I'm Sesshoumaru Taishou, and I want a girl to win a bet."

"CUT!"

The demon glared at Naraku. "Is there a problem?" He demanded coldly.

Naraku swung his hands up in a wide arc above his head, "Say something nice! Like, 'I need a girl who can appreciate-'" he ran a hand down the length of his body, "'_this_!'"

"Indeed..." Sesshoumaru muttered, rather disturbed at the sight.

"Yes. Now… action."

"I need a girl," he said through grit teeth, "who can appreciate-" and here he flicked his wrist, "this."

"Cut! Good enough. Try a sexier voice next time. Now, bring out the first contestant."

A blanked-eyed boy nodded slowly, tone deadpan. "Yes, Master Naraku."


	2. Contestant One

**Contestant One**

**)-(**

Inuyasha stepped off the bus, ears flattened against his head and claws digging into the flesh of his palm. Here he paused to smile - which actually came out quite the menacing sneer – so they could display a list of traits only the viewer would be able to see at home.

- Half-demon

- Once almost murdered by ex-girlfriend

- Eats three bowls of Ramen a day

At the camerawoman's signal, he began at a feet-dragging pace in his brother's direction. Of course, he'd only made it two and a half steps before Sesshoumaru realized what was going on. Face drawn tight, he closed his eyes. "_Next_."

Inuyasha stopped, and grimaced. "Well, _fine_," he snapped, heading back on the bus, "Like I wanted to fucking date _you_ anyway…. Bastard."

And even Naraku was left to stare dumbfounded at the hanyou's - jealous? - tone.

**)-(**

Kagome scooted over on the seat, making room. She laid a soft hand on his back, and frowned. "Instantly nexted?"

Inuyasha hung his hand in his hands. "He didn't even give me a chance."

Kagura blinked, did she hear sniffling?


	3. Contestant Two

**Contestant Two**

**)-(**

Kikyou stood on the last step, and gave the camera her best. An empty glance of malice only a mother could love (not really, but it's so rude to think otherwise, really.)

- Survived the fiery pits of hell

- Dabbles in necrophilia

- Voted the Most Likely to burn in Kiln during high school

She glided with an empty grace towards Sesshoumaru, taking in his tall frame and hair. He resembled Inuyasha, especially the eyes, but the two had completely different auras. And, of course, Sesshoumaru probably bathed more often.

When she reached the youkai, he handed her an outfit. "Change," he commanded lightly, and she quietly obeyed.

**)-(**

On the bus, Kagome finished comforting the half-demon and pulled her hands into her lap. She smiled. "So, why did you decide to try out for the show, Kagura?"

The woman stared down at the fan she held, opening it to run an idle finger over the design. "I think Taishou Sesshoumaru may have the means to free me from my debt to Naraku. I merely seduce him, marry him, acquire joint account and…" she slammed the fan shut, "Bam! I'm a free woman." She pulled her red lips into a small smirk.

"Um… all right," Kagome laughed nervously. She turned her attention to the shorter woman who'd tucked herself away in the corner. "You, Rin?"

"Seemed like a good idea at the time, I guess," she pursed her lips a moment, "Yea… sounds about right." The ponytail on the side of her head bounced once, as if to agree.

"And why the hell are you here?" Inuyasha cut in, looking sideways at Kagome.

She shot him a withered glare. "I was trying to make you jealous in return for that stunt you pulled with Miroku."

"What stunt?" He wrinkled his nose.

"You remember, that one with the hose?"

"Huh?"

"And you sprayed Sango and I, we were in those little white shirts?"

"Oh yea," he grinned thoughtfully.

"Anyway, I was trying to make you jealous. But I didn't know _you'd_ end up one of the contestants."

Behind the camera, Hakudoushi face palmed.

**)-(**

Kikyou stood at the edge of the pool. The outfit he'd given her was downright sexist. A skimpy little black bikini that covered not even half the skin her underwear did. From the water, her pained expression glinted back. With a sigh, she lifted her head to Sesshoumaru - who was lounging comfortably on a layback chair - still in his suit.

"What is it you want me to do now?" Kikyou asked blandly.

He raised a brow at her. "Get in the water," he answered after a moment, and then offhandedly added, "Splash around or something."

"No."

Sesshoumaru's gaze smoldered. "Excuse me?"

"I'm _clay_," she said slowly, "Water wears me down." _And I really don't need my breasts any smaller._

"I thought you smelled like dirt…" he mused aloud. She furrowed her brow, and he waved a hand in the air. "Next."

She glared ice. "I guessed, perhaps, you'd be more polite than your brother."

"Guess again."


	4. Contestant Three

**Contestant Three**

**)-(**

Kagura reluctantly moved over on the seat so Kikyou could sit down. She eyed the bikini in disgust. "He's one of those guys, huh?"

Rin blinked. "There's a guy who isn't?"

Inuyasha, who'd taken to reclining on the floor of the bus, cracked an eye open and looked Kikyou over. "Good point," he muttered.

Kagome stood. "I'm up!" And with hearts, stars, and sparkles abound she danced out the door. The camerawoman followed her, grateful for a more lively contestant. Pun _totally_ intended.

- Spends free time at animal shelter

- Donates half paycheck to charity

- Lead singer in her church's choir

She paused a minute in a pose, waving to the camera. With a fresh smile, she bounced in Sesshoumaru's direction. One of the sparkles, unfortunately, got caught in her eye and she had to come to a complete halt, rubbing furiously in a sad attempt to remove it. Finally, task complete, she made her way the last few feet to stand by the pool.

Sesshoumaru stared down at her brilliant smile in distaste. "I smell Mary Sue on you," he commented darkly.

"Well, I am merry!" she chirped with somewhat of an air-headed tone, continuing to smile.

"Next."

Shocked, offended, appalled. Kagome stared. _Me? A Mary Sue! The nerve of that… that jerk! _And with tears in her eyes, Naraku guided her back to the bus.

"There, there, now," he could be heard saying, "It's not _your_ fault you're the InuYasha universe's cannon Sue…"


	5. Contestant Four

**Contestant Four**

**)-(**

Kagura lifted herself from the seat, flicking her fan shut. "I suppose it's my turn."

- Practices dancing with cadavers

- Part of the mile-high club

- Father and mother are the same person

It was nearing dusk when she stepped off the bus to see Sesshoumaru leaning against a limousine. She approached him slowly, sashaying her hips and catching his eyes. He seemed almost dumbstruck a moment, before recomposing himself. The youkai pulled open the door, and gestured for her to get in.

She slid in, after pretending to not have enough room and _accidentally_ brush her chest against his. He sat beside her, and tried to ignore the suspicious flickering of her eyes that betrayed a smile.

"Any place in particular we're heading?" The wind sorceress asked, her hand shifting to touch his. When Sesshoumaru snapped his face to hers, she wondered if she'd been too forward. But he looked away again, somehow seeming off-balance.

"To eat."

"I see…" she breathed, trying not to look directly at the camera.

The restaurant was classy, and the food tasted as to be expected of such a ritzy place. Like shit made to look pretty so rich snobs can blow a few Franklin's on it and then only nibble around the edges. No offense to said rich snobs, of course. Kagura smiled at Sesshoumaru, who sat detached across the table.

_How drab_, she thought, _you'd think he'd at least _try_ to come on to me!_

"So…" She sat down her fork and rested her chin on her hands, "How are you enjoying your meal?"

"It is acceptable," he answered, deadpan.

"Do you have any… hobbies?" The wind sorceress asked, furrowing her brows slightly.

"No."

"Past times…?"

"No."

"Do you enjoy your work?"

"Hn."

"Have any sisters?"

"You ask a lot of questions," Sesshoumaru pointed out, irritated. Honestly, could she shut up and let him eat? _Women_.

"Well!" Kagura spat, "If you'd give me a sufficient answer and at least _try_ to carry on a conversation!"

"Your attempts were amusing."

"You… you bastard! You stuck-up, self-absorbed, -"

_Egotistical, pompous, bastard._ He finished in his head, having heard the rant many times before from various women… and Inuyasha. "Indeed… Next."

Kagura chucked her knife at him, which whizzed by head and came dangerously close to his hair. "You _ass_hole!"

He watched her storm out, somewhat bemused and annoyed at the same time. Ah, It was a hard life for him. Amazingly, people just did not seem able to handle his charms.


	6. Contestant Five

**Contestant Five**

**)-(**

Kagura made a point of kicking the sleeping hanyou awake before sitting down and shoving him from her seat, ignoring his cry of protest. "You know what? Good luck. He's not _worth_ his fortune."

Rin swallowed, now uncertain she wanted to step off the bus. "Thanks…"

Naraku gave her a thumbs-up from behind the camera.

- Once sued for over-talking

- Multiple S&M Victim

- In the Bible it is surely written, if thou loveth Jesus, thou shall kill a kitten.

Rin thought seemed a good thing to write down at the time.

Sesshoumaru was waiting for her in all his aloof, bastardly glory. He watched her approach, taking in her features… or lack there of. She was rather plain really. More cute than sexy, average curves, average assets, average weight, a bit on the short side, brown hair, brown eyes, undoubtedly human…

Still, her smile was somewhat enduring in a sick puppy kind of way. "You're the last one."

"Yes," she confirmed slowly.

"Then you'll have to do."

And as fate would have it, she chose him over the $1 she'd acquired in her thirty seconds since leaving the bus. So, in the end, it was happily ever after. Inuyasha lost his bet, Naraku had a sudden heart attack that instantly killed him and simultaneously freed Kagura, Kagome married the hanyou, Kikyou was molded into a shapelier woman and became America's Next Top Model, and Sesshoumaru married Rin after getting her mouth permanently wielded shut.

Yea, he supposed this was as happy as it would get - at least until Rin hit thirty.

"Sickening thought, really," Sesshoumaru concurred.


End file.
